The sudden death of David Goldberg over the weekend was a big loss to America’s tech industry, but it was also a loss for the millions of us who struggle every day to find that perfect blend of work, family, and life. Goldberg was CEO of SurveyMonkey – a product we use here at the Chamber – and was married to Sheryl Sandberg, herself COO of Facebook and regarded as one of the 10 most powerful women in the world. They have two small children and were famous for putting up boundaries around their family time. They have intense jobs. Goldberg told the LA Times back in 2013: "We made the decision on this particular thing, that we are going to be home with our kids. I am at home with my kids from 6 to 8. If I have a work dinner, I’ll schedule to have dinner after 8. But we’re working at night. You’ll get plenty of emails from me post-8 p.m. when my kids go to bed." Now, if you’re a CEO, you can schedule your dinners after 8 p.m., so there’s a decent argument that it’s easier for him to achieve than for some of us. But the boundaries are the important thing I’ve always taken away from this super family. Goldberg and Sandberg were wildly successful but were also a good family, by all accounts. My wife is a successful corporate attorney, and I lobby for the Greenville Chamber as well as for the 13 Chambers in the Upstate Chamber Coalition. We have demanding jobs and we’re also the parents of two small and very energetic boys. Oh, and we’re both endurance athletes: My wife is a dedicated runner and I’m training for my first Ironman triathlon this year. This is what makes the boundaries that Goldberg spoke about so significant and such a good lesson that we can all take from his life. I leave work at 4:30 p.m. most days to pick up my children, and I try to ignore my phone and email from 4:30 to 7:30 so I can work on chores, cook dinner, and play with my kids. Both of my boys go to bed early – I think it’s because their batteries finally die from the incessant motion – so that’s when I get in my gym time. My wife typically gets up at 5 a.m. to get to the gym before work. That morning/evening scheduling is something we discuss each week. Like Goldberg, my colleagues routinely get emails from me after 9 p.m., when I have a little bit of time to sit down and tie up loose ends from my day. (To help them with work-life balance, I stress that I’m not looking for a reply at 10 p.m., I’m just getting things off my plate.) When we add in the stresses of 24-hour-a-day connectivity and the pressing feeling that we must respond to everything as it comes in, the 21^st Century working parent life is very difficult. Technology was supposed to make it easier, but instead, the dinging and vibrating of a smartphone adds more stress. Research is showing that our minds may not be ready for the onslaught of information, scheduling, and demands that we’re all placing on ourselves. The good news is when two highly regarded executives like Goldberg and Sandberg apparently find time to unplug and carve out time for each other and for family. No matter what is going on, they left work at 5:30 p.m. (not exactly a popular time to skedaddle from a Silicon Valley startup, to be sure). What lessons can we take away from his life?

1. Turn the phone off. We all know this one, but we don’t always do it. Use your settings to set a VIP list of people you MUST take calls from (like your spouse or your boss) if you can’t just turn it off. One addition to this is to turn off all the notifications on your phone all the time. The email can wait, and if someone needs you immediately, they can call.
2. Set boundaries and set time for your family. Email can wait. Chores can wait. You can get that business issue finished later in the evening. Be present for your kids and your spouse. You’ll never get that time back.
3. Carve time out for yourself. Goldberg said in an interview with Business Insider that he also took time for himself. In his case, he played poker. Competitively. When we’re already pulled in 1,000 different directions, it’s hard to take a little selfish time to reconnect with ourselves. My wife loves to read. I pretty much swim, bike, and run. But I come up with some of my best ideas when I’m on a multi-hour bike ride or run. It’s because I’m reconnecting with myself and clearing my head.
4. Respect your weekends. Goldberg saved all of his weekend “work” for Sunday night. It keeps you from working all weekend, and it keeps your co-workers from responding to you all weekend.
5. Communicate. Goldberg told Business Insider about their “family calendar.” Chamber life means many meetings outside of normal business hours. My travel to lobby in Columbia also means an uncertain schedule most days. It’s vital that you and your spouse plan your weeks so you can build it around the family time you need to have a healthy marriage and strong family.

Of course, this is all “do as I say, not as I do” right? It’s a constant struggle, and Goldberg and Sandberg make it sound much easier than it probably was. RIP, David Goldberg. That family you struggled to build is in our thoughts and prayers this week as they have to get used to an entirely new normal.